My Lordzzz, Ladeeeez anda Gentlemen, hello, good evening and welcome to the Continuous, 24/ 7, 365, Non-Stop, Endless Bullingdon Bully Boys Ball.
On this wonderful evening of millions, I’d like to introduce three living legends…
Three giants amongst men… simply overflowing with honesty, sincerity, charisma, wit and charm… of outstanding calibre, eminent men of ethics and second to none… three Bastions of Society who make this world a safer, fairer, more egalitarian place, men you can trust and rely on, men of their word .
Unfortunately, none of them could be here tonight.
Instead, it gives me absolute revulsion to present to you, three nasty, unprincipled and evil scumbags who live only to satisfy their unconstrained ambition and greed while simultaneously destroying and literally ending the lives of millions of people, not just here, but all over the world…
I give you, hot off the back of appallingly undervaluing and privatizing the Post Office, Eurostar, the Royal Bank of Scotland, Lloyds Bank, and any other nationally owned asset they can flog off cheap to their chums.
Three men, still hot from dividing the population with the ruinous referendum, responsible for the forthcoming exit from the EU and the likely break up of the UK, responsible for the rise in right-wing race-related hate crimes. The men who begged for the chance to bomb the Syrians like they did the Libyans, and who cheered when they got and took whatever steps necessary to ensure those refugees whose lives are shattered, remain caged or washed up on beaches.
I give you the men breathless from catastrophic mismanagement of the NHS, happy in their haughty mission to ruin it and ensure its privatization through the back door, and the same deliberate destruction of the Fire Brigade, the Police, the Prison Service, the Department of Works and Pensions, the Environment Agency as well.
I failed to mention their massive contribution, active participation and wholehearted support of:
…the scandalous surge in the numbers of families living below the poverty line,
… the millions of desperate parents agonizing over the forced choice between feeding their children or heating their homes,
… the shameful increase and inevitable reliance upon food banks by millions of people and families unable to afford to feed themselves,
…of the spiralling number of the homeless flooding the streets,
…of the number of disabled, the mentally ill, the elderly and the infirm left to care for themselves because of enforced austerity allegedly in place to get us out of the shit that greed driven bankers put us up to our necks in.
Yes, these great and noble men have managed to achieve all this whilst struggling on a salary of more than three times the national average, and on top of their 2nd home allowance, subsidized food, alcohol and everything plus a jolly well deserved 11% pay rise and an inflation-busting increase of 1.3%pa and creative expense accounts à volonté and their hidden trusts and tax avoidance vehicles they keep so very quiet about.
They enable legalized fraud and fail to do anything to change it; their campaign contributing chums in these massive corporations can enjoy and take complete advantage of an educated tax paying workforce. Who was it that said “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch… ?”
An event of this distinction would be incomplete without mentioning their collusion and participation in the staggering levels of corporation and personal tax evasion that cost the UK in 2014 alone, more than £120 billion.
My Lordzzz, Ladeeeez and Gentlemen, I know exactly what kind of welcome these gentlemen deserve…
I give you the three Knaves of the Apocalypse; please put your hands together for Eton’s Swinest, there they run, without further ado,
The lamentable pig fucking kid losing small mouthed decent suit wearing bestiality orgy pin-up boy David “Nudge Nudge Oink Oink” Hameron,
The deplorable, fuck the poor keep it offshore, tax cuts for the billionaires no company tax paying cocaine snorting whore fucking George “Odious” Osborne, and that pestilent philandering bedraggled bumbling Warhol wigged evil clown Bozo “what’s in it for me?” Johnson.
The doctor hating NHS destroying lying utterly useless smirking uber-nauseating universally despised loathsome cunt of all cunts Jeremy “Top” Cunt,
The Xenophobic Medusa, of a refugee drowning, police crushing, absolute failure of a home secretary Theresa “let them drown” May,
the little turd without portfolio, the evil to the core, dwarf conman, liar and villain the golem like troll Grant “Shitcunt” [as his mother likes to call him] Shapps and his bigoted election expense defrauding suicide bullying SA squad, I mean YC squad of thugs…